Monday, 4 January 2016

Flashy Motors

Top Ten Eighties Crime Fighting Vehicles

After the whimsical sixties and the gritty seventies came the flashy eighties. Realism was out and flash was in. As ever the hero needed his car, not so much to prove his masculinity as to demonstrate his place in the social scale.

So it's Ray-Bans on and filofaxes at the ready as we count down the best crime fighting vehicles of the decade. 

10. The A Team GMC Van
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Okay, so maybe it wasn't the the most stylish wheels to grace the TV, but then Mr T would look rather out of place stepping out of MG Midget. The A Team was a show for boys in which the titular laddish gang took on a different bunch of bad guys every week and, despite firing thousand of rounds of ammunition in their general direction, never actually manage to kill or injure anyone.

The van itself inspired thousands of second rate copies from thousands of second rate people, including the chap near me in Leicester who painted his old Bedford van up in imitation using Dulux emulsion paint. Classy. Not.

However credit to the A-Team, this is a surprisingly proletarian means of transport for the era of Thatcher and Reagan. Not that you can really make a case for the guys being a bunch of class warriors fighting Gordon Geckos of the time, but it's still different.

9. Knight Rider Pontiac Trans-Am.
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The car's styling is the worst of the eighties, and not really enhanced by the sort strobing red light on the front kids fit to their first Ford Fiesta to try to make it look 'cool'. The original Firebird had been an early muscle car, made famous by Burt Reynolds in Smokey and the Bandit, but for this version though the designers concentrated on handling and fuel economy, which is boring.

As the Knight Rider it was supposedly nuclear powered though, which makes it a low emissions vehicle, although on the downside if it was ever involved in an accident they'd have to evacuate California. The Firebird would get its mojo back in future evolutions whilst The Hoff would find fame hanging around with women in bikinis in Baywatch, but for a generation of small boys he'll always be Michael Knight.

8. The Bill Rover SD1 
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Over the 26 years it was on air the vehicles used by Sun Hill's finest varied from Austin Metros to BMW 5 series, but the one that sticks in the mind - because it was used in the original opening credits - is the Rover SD1 'jam butty car'.

Sun Hill only got the 2.6 litre version, but real cops got the V8, which combined US style grunt with UK style build quality, which could be an 'exciting' combination. Tony Pond rallied a Group A version with some success, although he is mainly remembered for crashing out on the first stage of the 1984 RAC Rally whilst sporting a - then very rare - in-car camera. That was basically the sort of luck this car had and so what could have been an early Sierra Cosworth is not remembered anything like as well as it should be.

7. Morse Jaguar Mark II
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You suspect Endeavour (yes, that was his first name) chose this for comfort rather than speed, probably because high speed car chases are a bit difficult after several pints of Real Ale. However in their day these cars were British Touring Car champions, unbeaten on the racing circuit - except by the occasional lucky Mini - until the Yanks brought over their Ford Galaxies.

Today however the cars project a sense of old world style and respectability, unlike in the sixties when they suggested gangsters or bank robbers. I have no idea where in Oxford Morse ever managed to park the thing, or whether the cooling system was ever up to gridlock at Botley Interchange, but the car is now very much associated with the city. In reality Oxford was where they made the Morris Minor, Maxi, Marina and Triumph Acclaim, so it could have been worse.

The Jaguar also pretty much defined the term 'practical classic' and whilst poor old Jim Bergerac had to struggle with an unreliable Triumph Roadster, with an overdubbed engine,  Endeavour had a vehicle that would usually at least get him to the scene of the crime.

6. Moonlighting BMW 635CSi
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A TV series that was all flash but still a lot of fun. Bruce Willis - yes that Bruce Willis - and the one and only Cybil Shepherd were in a show characterised by one liners and sexual tension. I can't remember a single bad guy they brought to justice, but the jokes were good.


The car was good too. I guess you can't do a eighties car list without including a Beamer, but this one had a genuine competition pedigree and a decent turn of speed. Unfortunately half way through the show's run BMW released the original M3 and after that nobody bothered with the sporty six series version any more. A pity because, although it was too big for rallying, on the circuits it was great and notched up a trio of European Touring Car titles. 

Alas it was still a BMW, and so no matter how witty you may be, if you drive one the jokes will always be about you.

5. The Equalizer Jaguar XJ6
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For me Edward Woodward will always be Callan, the world weary spy working for a ruthless spy agency. But in the 1980s he was Robert McCall, a world weary former spy now dabbling as a free lance private investigator and vigilante.


His XJ6 was certainly stylish, and reasonably quick, but I've always thought of Jaguars as reverse TARDISes - bigger on the outside than the inside. However it suited the premise of the character that he had a big car and a small gun (nudge nudge, oo-err madam) and McCall always used his superior skill and British pluck to take down New York's baddies. 

4. Hart to Hart Mercedes 450SL
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As further evidence that ordinary people were purged from the TV screens in the 1980s, I present Hart to Hart, a story of everyday millionaires who solve murders. Jonathan Hart's Ferrari 246 Dino would be a worthy number one in this list if it hadn't only appeared in the opening credits. Instead the usual vehicle of the Harts was a Mercedes 450 (later a 380) SL.

Despite Janis Joplin wanting one, Mercedes are hardly cool, although this one has some style. The car also has a rallying pedigree, winning a succession of African endurance events. They then signed World Champion Rally Driver Walter Rohrl and asked how good he could make the car in European rallies. He told them they could get sixth on the Monte - if they were lucky - and so they cancelled the program and sacked him. Honesty didn't really pay in the eighties. 

3. Miami Vice Ferrari 365 GTB/4
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This show was always more about style than substance: New Wave music, Armanni suits with t-shirts, loafers with no sock, designer stubble, and a Ferrari.

If this car had been real it would have been a winner. The last of the great front engined Ferraris, it looked, sounded and went like a dream. The premise was that the car had been seized from a drug baron by Vice Squad cops Crockett and Tubbs. As it was Ferrari wanted the real cops to seize the duos car as it was not a real Ferrari, but a replica based on Corvette and made without a license.

Ferrari eventually gave the producers a real Testerossa, on condition they destroyed the fake 365. The Testerossa was a decent machine, but it didn't have the style of the 365.


2. Ashes to Ashes Audi Quattro
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Okay, this wasn't a real eighties TV series, but the Quattro was a real eighties car. Homologated in time for the 1981 rallying season, the Quattro bust onto the scene on the Monte and pulled away from the opposition at a rate of a minute a stage.

Turbo charged and four wheel drive at a time when the former was associated with Formula One and the latter with tractors, the Ur Quattro had both buckets of grunt and the traction to use it.  It was oversized and over-engineered by rally car standards, and you couldn't even do a handbrake turn, but on the road it was reliable and nimble enough to leave many pukka sports cars for dust even on dry gtarmac, and on gravel or snow it was untouchable.

The body was simply the existing Audi 80, but with bulbous wings and huge wheels it looked the part of the Teutonic monster it was.

1. Magnum PI Ferrari 308 GTS
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Magnum was a Nam vet Private Detective living a dream life in Hawaii. Along with the house and the shirt, he also got the car.

The 308 was a cut price Ferrari for the austere seventies. Previous machines with the prancing horse logo had been the fastest things on the road, but the three litre 308 was in danger of being burnt off at the lights by a decent muscle car. On the other hand the car was practical, usable, looked divine and handled like a dream.

It was also a real rally car, the only Ferrari that ever was (unless you count the Tour de France or Targa Florio as rallies, which I don't). The special stage version was developed privately and had a decent turn of speed on tarmac, nearly winning the Tour de Corse a couple of times in the hands of Frenchman Jean Claude Andruet, but Italians being Italians they also rallied them on gravel. 

Magnum kept his on the black stuff, and living on a small island he had a lot of car for not very much road. But what a car. A worthy winner.

If you enjoyed this, check out my top ten crime fighting cars of the sixties and the seventies.

Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Top Five Movie Car Chases

Do I like car chases? Well yes and no.

I certainly like cars, but if you've stood ten feet away from Colin McRae as he guns a 400bhpish Subaru Impreza through the trees, or seen a genuine Lancia Stratos in action, watching the Second Unit crew on a back lot driving a bog-standard yank tank into cardboard boxes doesn't really impress.

Cars and cinema are technologies that have grown up side by side. Given the ubiquity of cars to films, from plot devices to symbols of the leading man's vitality, picking a top five car chases should have been tricky. However because so many of them are awful, it was actually pretty easy.
 
Plus some of the best chases involve lorries or buses, such as Raiders of the Lost Ark and Speed, or are races not chases, such as the wonderful scenes in Grand Prix, Le Mans and Rush.  Mobile battles can't really count either, so bang go the Mad Max and Marvel Superheroes films (literally). Finally the films have to actually be good enough for me to watch, which rules out the entire Fast and Furious franchise.

So what does that leave us with that involves cars and chases and a reasonable film? Here's my top five.

(Click the header to view the chase)

5. The Gumball Rally (1976)



So why did I chose this clip over, say Ronin or Bourne Identity or countless other, and better, scenes? Easy, because of the cars. You see as a rally fan I see cars skidding and crashing all the time, and usually they do it a lot faster and a lot more spectacularly on the stages than they do in the movies.

But a pair of iconic sixties/seventies supercars being driven fast? You don't see that every day.

Okay, so it's not much of a chase, but look at - and listen to - the cars. That's a 1966 Shelby Cobra 427 and a 1972 Ferrari 365 GTS/4 - a real one, not a replica like in Miami Vice. The rest of the film is a bit of fluff, and whilst some of the cars are memorable, the story isn't. Inspired by a real illegal road race, won by racer Dan Guerney in a similar Ferrari 365, the only thing that can really be said in its favour as a film is that it's not as bad at the two Cannonball Run films which mined the same source.

4. The French Connection (1971)



Great though the cars are, you can't get away from the fact they are just in a storm drain. Most cinema car chases though don't take place anywhere you'd recognise.

However a film director who that wasn't afraid to take the action to the real streets was William Friedkin for his Academy Award wining The French Connection. For this chase, just like the rest of the film, conventional cinema techniques were thrown out of the window in place of extreme realism - and I mean extreme.

To film Gene Hackman's character 'Popeye' Doyle chasing an elevated train in a Pontiac Lemans, Friedkin took top Hollywood stunt driver Bill Hickman and persuaded him to drive at 70-80mph for 26 city blocks through Queens, New York. Freidman filmed from the back seat himself, on the grounds the rest of the crew were married and had children whilst he was expendable. There was a certain amount of traffic control and some of the scenes were choreographed, but ...
...they illegally continued the chase into sections with no traffic control, where they actually had to evade real traffic and pedestrians. The car crash during the chase sequence, at the intersection of Stillwell Ave. and 86th St., was unplanned and was included because of its realism. The man whose car was hit had just left his house a few blocks from the intersection to go to work and was unaware that a car chase was being filmed. The producers later paid the bill for the repairs to his car.
It was all insanely dangerous and we should be grateful they don't make films that way any more.
 

3. The Italian Job (1969)


  

The mean streets of Queens certainly suited the gritty realism of The French Connection, but a really good car chase needs a somewhat more exotic background. 

The Italian Job was written as a serious crime drama written by serious screen writer Troy Kennedy Martin. However to make it a little more interesting it was played a variety of comic actors from John Le Mesurier to Benny Hill. It also helped of of course that they used Mini Cooper Ss for the getaway. Had they made their escape in Lotus Cortinas the film would probably be forgotten by now.  

The Minis aren't even the most interesting cars on display. The opening credits roll over a Lamborghini Miura climbing the old St Bernard's pass, and an Aston Martin DB4 and a brace of E-Type Jaguars have a cameo slot before being squashed by a digger.

However it is the Minis that steal the show as they duck, weave and handbrake turn their way across Turin via several of it's better known landmarks. British Leyland stupidly refused to supply enough cars whilst Fiat begged the producers to use their vehicles, even allowing filming on their famous rooftop test track. Little wonder BL isn't around any more.

Fun though The Italian Job is, the cars are really just doing tricks. A pity really because the Cooper S wasn't just a novelty but a rally winning machine. It would have been nice to see, even briefly, the cars really driven in anger.
 

  2. Bullitt (1968)

 


Because that is exactly what we got the year before in the Steve McQueen film about a cop with a ridiculously macho name: Bullitt.

Bits of it still look staged - count how many times that green VW Beetle gets overtaken - and being American cars they seem to have lot of trouble getting round the corners, but overall this looks like exactly what it is: two fast cars being put through their paces by skilled drivers.

The 325bhp Ford Mustang GT really was driven by petrol-head actor McQueen for the close up scenes scenes, but the high speed work was done by a trio of real stuntmen. McQueen's quarry was supposed to have been a Ford Galaxy, but the heavy cars proved not to be up to the job. Instead a 440bhp black Dodge Charger was used, driven by the best man in the business - Bill Hickson. Yes, him again.

In real life the Charger was reportedly so much faster than the Mustang that Hickson had to back off to let the pony car catch. It seems even a macho name is no match for cubic inches.

1. SPECTRE (2015)



So what am I looking for then in a car chase? Supercars, real streets, exotic locations and top drivers putting the machines through their paces. So which film has all of this? Well, the one I saw last week.

Sam Mendes probably put more effort into the car chase in SPECTRE than any director ever has before, which is one reason why the film went massively over budget.

He started with two very exotic cars. Showing that he still hasn't got the hang of the 'secret' bit of being a secret agent, James Bond drives a unique Aston Martin DB10. The 'baddie car' is even more interesting. The original Jaguar C-X75 was a strange hybrid with an electric motor for each wheel. The film versions have V8 engines from the F-Type and suspension from a rally Porsche GT3.

There is not a pixel of CGI in the chase, which takes place on the real streets of Rome. You can tell. The shots that had me baffled though were when Daniel Craig and villain Dave Bautista (Drax the Destroyer from Guardians of the Galaxy) actually appeared to be drifting their cars across the cobbles themselves. The effect was created by building a brace of very special stunt cars. These pod cars were the real thing, except that they had special cockpits on the roof so the stunt drivers could drive whilst the actors posed. As for the stuntmen themselves, I was surprised to find I'd actually met one, in the form of three times British rally champion Mark Higgins.

Okay, there are problems. Dramatically it serves no purpose whatsoever in the story. Bond is even relaxed enough to take a phone call during the chase, but that's a problem for the film not the chase.

Maybe next week I'll change my mind, but at the moment this is the chase that ticks all the boxes for this petrolhead.

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Five most unusual cars to enter the RAC rally

It's nearly that time of the year again.

No, not Rally Wales GB, which came and went a couple of weeks ago with very little excitement, but the far more interesting Roger Albert Clark Rally. The year the usual swarm of Escorts are joined by Steve Perez's incomparable Stratos, several continental Porsches and dark horse of the event the Fiat 131 Abarth of Julian Reynolds.

Over the years though the original RAC rally, which evolved into the Rally Wales GB and got itself stuck in the Principality in the process, saw some fairly unusual machinery take part. The word 'exotic' is well used to describe the cameos appearances by the little mid-engined Renault 5 Turbo, the Ford RS200, and the Lancia 037 Rally.

The word weird is probably best used to describe these machines though, the more unusual machines to venture forth into the British forests in November.

5. Panther Lima

At first glance the Lima, made by Blackpool based cottage industry Panther Westwinds, doesn't look a bad choice for a rally car. There's a tasty 2.3 lump taken from a Vauxhall Magnum, a compact two seater body and robust Vauxhall suspension. Admittedly sitting over the back wheels won't make it very comfortable in Kielder and the front wings don't allow for much suspension travel, but those are not the real problems.

You can basically rely on three things on the RAC Rally; the weather will be cold, wet and miserable. You want a car with performance, handling and reliability, but above all you want a roof. The Lima is ragtop. So hats off to intrepid crew Noel and Patrick Francis and  who completed the 1978 event in one.

4. Audi 80

It's difficult to believe now, but back in the 1970s Audis were cars for people who found Volvos too exciting. So we all wondered what was going on when a Works team of Group 4 homologated Audi 80s appeared on the 1979 RAC. Oversized and underpowered, they understeered their way through the stages handicapped by a weight distribution slightly less balanced than a hammer, and were hopelessly off the pace.

Well, less than a year later we found out what was going on when they unveiled the Quattro. Then in 1981 they brought the beast to the UK whereupon the Stuttgart based team used the experience they'd gained with the 80, and the Quattros awesome grip and power, to win every UK forest event they entered. After that Audi had a slightly different image.

3. VW Beetle

Beetles were decent enough rally cars in the sixties, and Porsche engined variants were regular staples of the continental rallycross scene in the seventies and eighties. However it's fair to say that by 1992 it was not the most competitive car around.

But if you can't make an impact with your cars speed or acceleration, you can always do it with the paint job. Dad Francis worked for Prodrive and was regular on the Historic rally scene in his Porsche. When he asked young Richard what colour he would like his car painted, he pointed to his Reebok trainers.

Richard finished the rally and didn't come last. He beat an MG Maestro, an Astra GTE, a Nova GSi and something else, which I will tell you about later.

2. Wartburg 353

Teams from the far side of the Iron Curtain used to be regulars on the RAC. The Skodas were genuinely good, and took home more than a score of class wins. The Ladas were fun, and once the official team stopped the Lada Challenge provided tail out action when the rest of the field were front wheel drive.

However there's not much you can say in favour of the poor old Wartburg. Front wheel drive, far too large for its 1150ccs and a two stroke, it was desperately sad to see the drivers pedaling the car hopelessly through the stage. The one virtue it had was that it was pretty robust - the engine apparently only had seven moving parts. They did actually move faster than you'd expect and one did once come second on a WRC event, although admittedly there were only three finishers.

If nothing else though the Wartburg team dispelled the myth of invincible German technology. For that we must be grateful.

1. Trabant 601S

The end of communism meant the end of the factory teams from Eastern Europe, but the odd privateer did make it over here. Two such intrepid adventurers were Michael Kahlfub and Gunter Friedemann who brought their Trabant over in 1992.

It was a long time waiting in the rain for the little car with its cardboard bodywork and 595cc two stroke engine, but I wasn't the only fan making the effort. Asked how he found the stages Kahlfub said they were smoother than East German autobahns.

He finished the rally and wasn't last either, coming just behind Richard Tuthill's Beetle and ahead of three hot hatches. I wonder if those drivers ever liven that down?

Monday, 27 October 2014

Best Five Drivers Never To Win The WRC

I guess overall the World Rally Championship Drivers title has been shared reasonably fairly.

Okay, so it's been more than a decade since the WCR was won by someone who wasn't called Sebastian, but at least Solberg and Gronholm got a go before Monsieur Loeb got going, and there's time yet for Latvala and Hirvonen.

However if you look back through the whole history of the WRC you see a few drivers who should have had a title but didn't. Here's my top five unlucky drivers.

1. Jean-Luc Therier

Jean-Luc Therier, Renault Alpine A110 Corsica, 1973
Where the WRC launched in 1973 one team dominated, Alpine Renault.

Alpine was a tiny French outfit that was taken over by national giant Renault that year. They'd been rallying their little A110 for over a decade by this time and with Renault's money they were now able to take on the world with their pocket rocket.

The pilots of these little missiles were known as The Blue Riders. Jean-Claude Andruet, Jean Pierre Nicholas, and Bernard Darniche would continue to win rallies for the rest of the decade whilst Ove Anderson went on to manage Toyota, but the fastest of all them was Jean-Luc Therier.

In 1973 he won in Portugal, Greece and San Remo and finished best non-Saab in Sweden. He also
managed two thirds, a fifth and a seventh. In Poland he was one of many drivers disqualified after the organisers decided to hide the Passage Controls, and on the RAC the little car expired.

Unfortunately for Therier there was no award for drivers until 1979. Had there been a Championship for Drivers in '73 he'd have won it by a country mile.

Renault Alpine scaled down their involvement in rallying after 1973. Therier was never to win with an Alpine again, but he did give the Renault 17 Gordini, which was a sort of Gallic Ford Capri, it's only win in America in 1974. He then moved to Ove Anderson's Toyota where he retired from every world event he entered.

Then in 1980 Porsche homologated a lightweight version of the venerable 911 and Therier drove it on the 1980 Tour de Corse.
Jean-Luc Therier, Porsche 911SC, Tour de Corse 1980
He was up against Jean Ragnotti in the little Renault 5 Turbo and former Blue Rider Anduet in a Fiat France 131 Abarth, but despite being down in eighth at one point Therier brought the Porsche home first. 

He nearly did it again on his next outing in Monte Carlo. Mikkola's Quattro set the early pace,  but when an accidnt made the four wheel drive car a three wheeler Therier inherited the lead. He held it until the last night when he went wide on a corner, mounted a bank and broke the transmission.

There would be one more podium in his career, but no more chances for victory.

2. Sandro Munari

Sandro Munari, Lancia Stratos, Monte Carlo 1975
The team that knocked Renault Alpine off their perch was Lancia and the car they did it with was the Stratos. The car was built around one driver, Sandro Munari. Quite literally built around him as anyone with longer legs and shorter arms, which was just about everyone, had trouble even fitting into it.

Munari had come third on the 1974 Safari in an old Fulvia, but when the Stratos was homologated in October he managed to win back to back rallies in San Remo and Canada and come third in Great Britain. Had there been a drivers title to play for it would have been his.

The next year he could have done it again, but
Sandro Munari, Lancia Stratos, RAC 1976
Turin politics saw him sitting out several rounds. By 1976 he had a rival in the team in the form of Swede Bjorn Waldegarde, but wins in Monte Carlo, Portugal and on the Tour de Corse would have given him another title.

Come 1977 though and Lancia had to give way to Fiat. Munari would the FIA Cup, a predecessor or the WRC for Drivers, but was limited to just five actual WRC appearances. One of these though was the Monte Carlo which he won to give him a Hat Trick.

In 1978 he only finished one rally, and that was in a Fiat 131 Abarth. Apart from a few cameos in Africa that was it for Il Drago.

3. Markku Alen

On the eve of the first WRC for Drivers in 1979 who would we have said were the best rally drivers in the world? Hannu Mikkola, Bjorn Waldegarde and Ari Vatanen of Ford, Markku Alen and Walter Rohrl of Fiat and maybe Stig Blomqvist and Timo Salonen who, although not winning rallies, had put in decent performances in uncompetitive cars.

Over the next seven years each of those drivers would win a world title except one; Markku Alen.

How this could be is a bit of a mystery. Partly it was because in 1978, when he was undoubtedly the driver of the year, there was still only a Makes title, partly it was because when he had another crack at the title in 1980 team mate Rohrl beat him fair and square and partly it was because when the Italians next had shot at the title the Lancia 037 was so out-gunned by Audi it took a team performance to win.

He had a theoretical chance of the title on the 1983 RAC, but Lancia had spent so much Lira on winning the Makes they didn't want to waste any more hopelessly chasing Quattros through muddy British forests.

Then in 1986 Alen finally had a great car and great chance.  When he beat Juha Kankkunen to win Olympus Rally at the end of the season he was indeed crowned World Champion, only to lose the title to the Finn 21 days later when the FIA took away his Sanremo win.

Walter Rohrl thought Alen was the greatest driver of his generation. He was a Flying Finn who became more Italian than the Italians. Calm behind the wheel, he was a bag of nerves at service points. half the vocabulary of the WRC, from 'maximum attack' to 'Mickey Mouse' stages, is thanks to him.

He continued to win into the Group A era and, after he eventually left Turin, he gave the Subaru Legacy it's first podium, but 1986 was his last challenge for the WRC.

Alen is the Stirling Moss of rallying, the greatest driver never to become World Champion.

4. Henri Toivonen

But perhaps the driver who really should have lifted the 1986 Drivers trophy was neither Alen, nor Kankkunen, but Henri Toivonen.

The 22 year old Finn would have been on nobodies list of great drivers in 1978. In fact he wouldn't have made many lists two years later when he started the 1980 RAC Rally in his Talbot Sunbeam Lotus. But then he went and won the event, beating Mikkola and the previously invincible Ford Escort RS into second place, and becoming the youngest driver ever to win a WRC event.

Toivonen continued to drive for Talbot and then switched to Opel. He led his first event for the Germans, but despite some solid performances never looked like winning anything in either and Ascona or a Manta. By 1984 he had largely dropped out of top flight competition and was driving a Porsche in the European Championship. However by the end of the year he had signed for Lancia.


A back injury following an accident at the start of 1985 kept him out of rallying for six months but
he stuck with the team despite the 037 being too long in the tooth to be competitive.

The reward was a drive in the fearsome 038 on its début in the 1985 RAC Rally. Up against a pack of Group B monster from Audi, Peugeot and Austin Rover, as well as team mate Alen, he drove the beast to victory.

Toivonen continued his winning streak on 1986 Monte Carlo Rally. He then retired in Sweden and was withdrawn in Portugal along with all the other top drivers after a fatal accident.

He started the 1986 Tour de Corse then as the fastest rally driver in the world. On tarmac the car's boost was turned up to give the 038 over 500bhp. To reduce weight all under body protection was removed and to improve the balance the crew sat on the petrol tanks. At the end of the seventeenth stage he was leading the rally.

He started the next stage complaining of the strain of keeping up the pace in such a powerfula nd twitchy machine. He never reached the finish. The car had left the road at a sharp left, out of sight of spectators and marshals, and exploded. All that was left when fire crews arrived was a burnt out shell and pieces scattered over the hillside like the aftermath of a plane crash.

The accident didn't just kill Toivonen and co-driver Sergio Cresto, it killed Group B as well. Alen would keep up the fight against Peugeot for the rest of the season, but I suspect there was only one man who could have beaten Kankkunen in a Lancia, and that was Toivonen.

5. Francois Delecoeur

28 year old Francois Delecoeur was plucked from obscurity by Ford in 1991 to drive their palatial Sierra Sapphire 4x4. On his first event, the Monte Carlo, he looked set to reward them with a win, then his suspension collapsed. Over the next two seasons he pedalled the over-sized vehicle to four podiums.

Then in 1993 Ford unveiled the nearest thing the Group A era had to 'homologation special', the Escort Cosworth. On the Monte Delecoeur once again surged into the lead then on the final night Didier Auriel went mad and overturned a three minute lead.

He gave the new Cossie its first win on the next rally in Portugal. He also won in Corsica and Spain and only lost out in New Zealand thanks to another awesome drive, this time by our own Colin McRae.

Delecoeur then started the 1994 season as favourite to lift the crown.

He started well by finally winning the Monte Carlo then retired in Portugal whilst leading. The Driver's trophy looked like it might have his name on it.

Then he went for a spin in a friend's Ferrari F40, and met an amateur rally driver coming the other way. The car was destroyed and Delecoeur suffered injuries that kept him out of most of the rest of the season. He was fully fit again in 1995, but by this time the Escort had lost its competitive edge and didn't win a single round.

Delecoeur switched to Peugeot and helped to develop the world conquering Peugeot 206, but he never again had a shot at the title.

Saturday, 30 August 2014

Obituary: Björn Waldegård

Björn Waldegård, who died yesterday, was rallying's first World Champion, and probably the most complete driver ever to lift the crown.

During his long career Waldegård won on tarmac and gravel, in Europe and in Africa, in conventional and unconventional cars and with two wheel drive and four.

These days, with the format of all international rallies being very similar, it's not unusual for a top driver to win everything. But in the past the difference between a short pace note event like the Swedish, a African endurance event like the Safari and blind rally like RAC was huge and Waldegård was unique in winning them all.

The Porsche Years


He first exploded onto the rallying scene when, aged only 25, he won the most famous rally in the world in a Porsche 911. Inexperience, and a language barrier, nearly cost the reigning Swedish Rally Champion his first Monte Carlo victory as he misunderstood a request by the mechanics for  "no brakes" and pressed the pedal, ejecting his calipers onto the ground. Fortunately the Stuttgart mechanics were able to repair the car and he led home a Porsche 1-2. Just to prove it wasn't a one-off he won again in 1970.

Unfortunately Porsche decided not to make the 911 the world beater it could have been, and instead left the field open for Lancia to make the Stratos the world's first supercar. Waldegård took to rallycross, but with the Lancia team built around Italian ace Sandro Munari, a driver who was less comfortable on the tricky northern European rounds, they signed up Waldegård as back up.

The Lancia Years


Before...
Driving the best car in the world, Waldegård had no problem winning his home round in 1975, but then rather unexpectedly he won in Italy as well.

On the RAC Waldegård was flying. Literally. After 16 stages he had set 6 fastest times and was comfortably in the lead before he then flew too high on a yump in Pickering and broke a drive shaft. Mechanics changed it on the stage (that was legal then) but at a cost of one hour of delay and all of his rear bodywork.


.... and after.
Waldegård continued in the event and continued to set fastest times, but he'd been OTL and was also running without brake lights, rear lights and a rear number plate.

He should have got his revenge the next year, but it all went wrong in San Remo. Waldegard had ended the penultimate stage four seconds ahead of Munari. As it wouldn't do for the top Italian rally driver to be beaten on home soil Waldegard was instructed to let his team mate win. Waldegard came to the start of the last stage and was waved away. The car didn't move for four seconds. With everything square he then blasted off at full speed to win the stage, by four seconds.

Lancia were not impressed and sacked him on the spot. Ford signed him immediately and started cobbling a car together for the RAC. He finished third, just ahead of Munari, and told the press he'd have won the event in a Stratos.

The Ford Years

 

Acropolis 1977
Waldegård's years with Ford were to be the most successful of his career.

In 1977 the blue oval made a determined effort to win the World Championship for Makes and, although the Ford "lawnmower" was beaten by the Fiat steamroller, the best driver of the year was undoubtedly Waldegård. He won the three toughest rallies of the year; the Safari, the Acropolis and the RAC. Had there been a World Championship for Drivers then he'd have won it.

Ford mostly sat out the 1978 season, but Waldegård still managed a win on the Swedish and second to team mate Hannu Mikkola on the RAC. For '79 Ford would be going all out for the championship, and with Fiat outgunned Waldegård and Mikkola who would be dicing to see who became the first ever World Champion driver.

Monte Carlo 1979
Waldegård's year didn't start well with French spectators placing rocks on the road in front of him to give victory to local hero Bernard Darniche's Stratos. However at least he did better than Hannu, who was nicked by the local plod whilst leading and given a five minute penalty.

Waldegård was second again in Sweden, beaten by Blomqvists Saab 99 Turbo, and again in Portugal where Mikkola snuck a win. The season was developing into a tortoise and hare contest between the two Scandanavians, and as an added twist both were contracted to Mercedes for the African events. In the end Mikkola also won in New Zealand, Quebec and Great Britain, but it was Waldegård who became the inaugural World Champion thanks to wins in Greece and Canada and consistent finishes over the rest of the season.

The Toyota Years


A disastrous ninth on the RAC marked the end of the road for Waldegård and the old rear wheel drive Escort, and after a disappointing year with Fiat and Mercedes, he signed for Toyota, the team with which he was to spend the next twelve years.

He started off well by briefly getting the previously off-the-pace Celica into the lead on the 1980 RAC then, after an unremarkable 1981 season, he brought the new style car home first on the 1982 New Zealand rally. It was a surprising win, for in the era of the Audi Quattro and the Lancia Rally the old normally aspirated, rear wheel drive car seemed antiquated.

1982 also saw him back in a Stratos, for a one-off drive in the Esgair Dafydd TV Rallysprint.

Ivory Coast 1983
Toyota then homologated the Group B turbo version of the Celica which, although off the pace in Europe, made Africa its own. Waldegård won in the Ivory Coast with it in 1983, on the Safari in 1984 and then won both rallies in 1986.

That car died with Group B and it was a while before Toyota had a car that was both fast enough, and tough enough, to win in Africa again. When they did, with the Celica GT-4 in 1990, it was again Waldegård who was at the wheel. By this time he was 46 and the oldest driver to win a World Rally, a record he is likely to keep a while yet. He retired from front line motorsport in 1992 when he broke his arm in an accident, once again in Africa, and once again in a Toyota.

Waldegård continued to drive though and I last saw him in action at the 2009 Chatsworth Rally Show, celebrating 30 years since his World Title, and putting a Mark Two Escort through its paces. It was 33 years since I'd first seen him in on New Brighton sea front in his first Ford drive.

A true legend, he will be missed.

Sunday, 6 July 2014

Top Five Rock Cars

5. David Coverdale's Jaguar XJ

 

I must admit that when I first saw the video for Here I Go Again age seventeen I didn't actually notice that there was a car underneath Tawny Kitaen.

But, yes, as in all the other Whitesnake vids of the era, there is. And as David Coverdale, the lad from Yorkshire who joined the biggest rock band in the world before making it even bigger with his own band, never forgot where he came from it's a British motor.

Or two British motors actually, one white and one black. I used to think was some sort of symbolism. Not so. The video director just had a black one so he parked it next to Coverdale's white version and then asked Tawny to do her stuff. The result was a vid that helped push a song, that had previously only managed #34 in the UK charts on a previous release, to a Billboard #1.

The hair and the spandex have dated, but the cars haven't. Over here the big cats have a reputation of being a bit of an Arthur Daley motor and they aren't particularly practical on narrow roads. My little Metro ragged off a few. However even I'll admit the XJ is something of a classic design.

It not really recommended that your girlfriend dances in your lap whilst driving one though. I'd like to think Tawny was just playing around for the cameras, but as in 2002 she was arrested for kicking her then husband, Cleveland Indians player Chuck Finley, whilst he was driving, maybe she wasn't. He filed for divorce immediately afterwards and the Chicago White Sox played this song at the stadium next time they played the Indians.

4.  John Lennon's Rolls Royce Phantom V

 

How we missed the symbolism at the time.

When the hippest of the Fab Four bought a Roller and got artist Steve Weaver to paint it in the style of a Gypsy caravan it seemed that the counter-culture had stormed the bastions of the British Establishment.

It took punk to remind us that they had in fact become the Establishment.

Lennon, a wife beater who spent most of his post-Beatles career as a heroine addict, wrote some decent songs, but also appears to have lost touch with reality along the way.

Imagine is a great song, although a rather ironic one for funerals as who really wants to see the coffin of their loved one disappear behind the curtain to the words "Imagine there's no heaven." However in the video Lennon appears to have missed that he was singing "Imagine no possessions" whilst playing a $40,000 piano and wandering around his multimillion dollar mansion.

3. ZZ Top's Ford Eliminator

 

Few cars are more rock 'n' roll than the Ford Model A Coupe, the 'Little Deuce Coupe' of the Beach Boys song. Always a popular choice for making into a Hot Rod, the Eliminator is custom job done for ZZ Top frontman Billy F Gibbons by Don Thelan's Buffalo Motor Cars. The inspiration was the car driven by Martin Sheen in the film The California Kid.

They named their eighth album after the car and, along with the beards, the car had a starring role in the vids that accompanied their new grungy with a four-on-the-floor beat sound. The result though was a car that, although fully drag strip ready, spent more time posing than performing. 

2. Jan Berry's Corvette Stingray


When is comes to cars many artists talk the talk, but few walk the walk. Even fewer walk the walk and walk away.

Rock car crashes are tragically too numerous to mention them all. Marc Bolan died in a friend's Mini 1275GT, which, with only 57bhp probably gets the unfortunate prize of least powerful car to kill a celebrity. The prize for the most complete rock car death though must go to Whitesnake drummer Cozy Powell who died whilst doing 104mph in bad weather in his Saab 9000. Whilst drunk. And not wearing a seatbelt. And talking on his mobile phone. His last words were "Oh shit".

Jan Berry was half of a fifties double act that is surprisingly uncheesy. They liked their cars, and one of their songs was Dead Man's Curve,about a race between a Corvette and an E Type Jaguar that ends in both cars off the road.

Two years later Jan Berry was cruising on Sunset Boulevard, not far from Dead Man's Curve, when he too lost control of his 'vette and totalled it. He lived, and was back on the road a year later and lived to the ripe old age of 62.

1. Keith Moon's Chrysler Wimbledon 


Or was it a Lincoln Continental, or was it a Rolls Royce, or did it even happen at all?

This is the car that Keith Moon allegedly drove into a swimming pool in the ultimate act of rock we'll-pay-someone-else-to-clean-up-the-mess-'cos-we're-so-rich excess.

Numerous versions of the story abound. One has a drunk Moon trying to make a getaway from a police raid on a rowdy birthday party in a Lincoln, letting the handbrake off the car and having it roll backwards into the pool. In another version it's a Roller and in another the pool is a muddy pond at Moon's house.

Roger Daltry, who only admits to seeing the 450,000 bill for removing the car, says it was the Chrysler Wimbledon and an ornamental pool at a Holiday Inn in Flint, Michigan. As this is the nearest we've got to an eye witness, we'll go with that story.

In the picture the Wimbledon is the old timer to the right of the 246 Dino in this picture. As you can see Mr Moon has also pranged the Ferrari, allegedly after changing into first gear at 100mph.

But then, what is a rock car if it's in one piece. Some musicians, like Pink Floyd drummer Nick mason, whose collection includes a Ferrari F40 and a Lancia Stratos,look after their cars. Many musicians of that generation now look after themselves. Even Rik Wakeman has given up the booze and fags these days..

But what's rock 'n' roll about that?

Tragically Keith Moon did more damage to himself than to his machines and followed his Ferrari to the great party in the sky in 1978, after an overdose of prescription medication.

Sunday, 21 April 2013

My Top Six Car Songs

6. Grey Cortina by Tom Robinson


A Cortina?

Well, of course. Tom Robinson here shows that, like charity, lust begins at home. I didn't grow up leering at Ferraris and Porsches in glossy magazines, but at the grubby Ford Capri's and Escort GTs up our street.

Not many Cortinas were actually grey, they were more a sort of one-shade-off-primer type of cream, and even fewer had twin exhausts. But whiplash aerials were essential, as otherwise they tended not to last too long as jealous little boys would bend them for you.

Jealous adults tended to do rather more than that. As Ford only ever had about three keys cut for their whole range stealing one was easy. In one year almost half the Cortinas in Belfast were stolen, which Ford claimed was because the thieves appreciated the performance and comfort.

Apparently Tom Robinson did eventually achieve his childhood dream and own a grey Cortina, only to have it written off after one day before he even got to a "2 4 6 8" Motorway.

5. MGB GT by Richard Thompson

It's hard to pick any particular theme from the songs of a writer and performer with a career as long and eclectic as Richard Thompson, but generally speaking whilst people are often suspect, machines are usually okay. He eulogised the Vincent Black Lightning motorbike in a song which, if this was a list about two wheeled machines, would be up there with Steppenwolf's Born To be Wild, Brigette Bardot's Harley Davidson, Arlo Guthrie's I Just Want To Ride My Motorcycle and Jasper Carrot's Funky Moped.

No, not really. The Bardot song is rubbish.

However we are staying on four wheels here, so instead of the 140mph Vincent, we have a song about a car that struggles to put a ton on the clock, but is slightly more practical.

The main interest here is Thompson's guitar playing, but with passing references to the Sunbeam Alpine, Triumph TR4 and an Austin Healey it's clear Thompson still longs for the classic British rag-tops of his youth. As a rally fan I'd have preferred a song about the Mini Cooper S, Lotus Cortina or Ford Escort Twin Cam, but I don't really mind MGBs, as long as they haven't got those hideous 1970s bumpers.

4. Red Barchetta by Rush

It's 1980 and the world in recovering from the second big oil shock. Meanwhile Canadian rockers Rush record this song.

Here we have their trade mark Ayr Rand inspired Libertarianism (although unlike Rand, Rush kept their drug consumption under control and never had to survive on Medicare) and sci-fi inspired lyrics, in this case the short story A Nice Morning Drive by Richard S. Foster.

In that the outlawed vehicle the hero uses to frustrate the officious and anti-car authorities is another MGB, but Rush decided instead to change to what many regard as the most beautiful Ferrari ever. A looker, sure, but it's hard to imagine a Barchetta starting up first time after a decade or more in a garage in real life.

The idea of a car as a symbol of individual liberty is all very well too, but if you want to write a song about the egalitarian nature of a car owning society, a Ferrari isn't really the best metaphor is it? Let Them Drive Barchettas - as Ayr Rand might have said.

3. Little Deuce Coupe by The Beach Boys

Car songs by The Beach Boys are always good for a laugh.

Not only can they not pronounce 'coupe' correctly, but amongst the virtues of their Hot Rod is something called a 'four on the floor'. This sounds pretty cool, but it actually translates as a four speed manual gearbox. Even my dad's old Lada had one of them.

They also go on to say that when they accelerate 'it's hard to steer', which does suggest something fundamentally wrong with the car. It's not something you usually read in a sales brochure, anyway.

Still, you don't drive a car like that for the handling, and you don't listen to the Beach Boys for meaningful lyrics. Maybe they were just a Barber's Shop Quartet with guitars, but these songs from before Brian Wilson blew his mind on LSD have a certain naive charm.

After that I guess he didn't drive so much.

2. Mercedes Benz by Janis Joplin

They say irony died when Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize, but it was well and truly cremated when this song was used to advertise Mercedes Benz.

I'd always listened to it as a pastiche of consumer society; someone asking God for a car, a TV and a round of drinks, so either I missed something or people really don't listen to lyrics any more.

Joplin didn't even own a Mercedes, she had a  Porsche 356, like the one James Dean drove, only psychedelic. Mercedes in the sixties were cars for people who found Volvos too exciting.

Not that there's anything fundamentally wrong with them. They did do stylish and sporting as well as solid and dependable, like the "Pagoda" model pictured. But speed was always hand in hand with safety and sound engineering, so if there's a car that is at ninety degrees to the live-fast-and-die young ethic of rock, it's a Mercedes.

Also, if you wanted to find a performer whose style reflected the precision engineering of the Daimler Motoren Gesellschaft you wouldn't really pick the gravel voiced Janice Joplin, who sounds more like an old Trabant running without any oil.

1.Dead Man's Curve by Jan and Dean

It wasn't just the Beach Boys who had trouble with corners. Judging by the profusion of roads in America featuring a bend called Dead Man's Curve, the entire country seems to have a problem with anything curvier than Kate Moss.

(I should hastily add here before I am flamed from across the pond that one American at least has figured out how to make his car go round corners)

They even made a TV movie in the seventies called The California Kid, in which an evil Sheriff bumps off reckless drivers by making them take a corner too fast. The bend in question was a gentle right hander a Morris Marina could have taken flat, so I thought frankly they all deserved what they got - which sort of spoilt the film a bit for me.

(Note to my American friends - this, guys, is a tight corner.)

Jan and Dean may look squeaky clean to us today, but in their day they were pretty far out and according to rock critic Dave Marsh they should be regarded as proto-punks.

This song is generally considered to be about the one on Sunset Boulevard. It was written for the boys by Brian Wilson and is about a Corvette Stingray driver who has a race with Jaguar E Type which ends in them both failing to negotiate the titular corner. I can only assume the Jag had bald tires or was going twice as fast, as it had far better handling than the 'vette.

You'd have thought Jan and Dean would have learnt the lesson of the song and driven something with decent roadholding, but no, just two years later Jan Berry was trundling around Beverley Hills in his own Corvette, not far from Deadman's Curve, when he lost control and totalled the car.

Miraculously he survived, although it took him a year to recover, and he lived to the ripe old (by rock star standards) age of 62.

The crash may have wrecked his car, but it did the duos career no harm at all and they were still performing into the new millennium.

The accident certainly made the duo infamous, but hopefully rock stars acting out their own songs won't become a habit. I wouldn't be too bothered if Morrisey really was miserable now or James parked their behinds for a moment, but not only would be it be rather gross if Dexy's Midnight Runners did that to Eileen, but do we really want Liam Gallagher to live forever?